WWE Stars In Their Eyes
by Leap of Fate and Ropo
Summary: A whole evening full of laughter with performances from Trish, Y2J, Kane, Lita, Kurt Angle, plus many many more. Hosted by Matt and Jeff, its as funny as hell! Please R & R - guranteed to make u laugh!
1. WWE Stars In Their Eyes - Woman Devision

  
¶WWF Stars In Their Eyes¶  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters (Vince and WWF do) I also dont own stars in their eyes ( ITV does I think) so review please and dont flame!  
  
Contestants: ChYna = Man! I Feel Like A Woman!, Trish = Barbie Girl, Kurt Angle = Simply The Best, Grand Master Sexay & Scotty 2 Hotty = Sex Bombs, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley = Bitch, Stone Cold Steve Austin = Kumbya, Lita = Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Terri Saturn = Horny, William Regal = God Save Our Queen, Kane = Goodness Gracious, Great Balls Of Fire, Y2J = Who Let The Dogs Out  
Hosts: Matt & Jeff Hardy  
Special Guest Appearance: Vince McMahon = Encore Of Stand Back  
  
  
/Fireworks display hits, smoke fills the arena, flashing lights highlight the ring, which has been transformed into a big stage with lights running to it from the walkway, the titantron has been replaced with huge doors and they swing open to reveal.../  
  
Matt:Hi, and welcome to this weeks WWF Stars In Their Eyes! I'm Matt Hardy, the sexy one outta the two.  
Jeff:And I'm Jeff...THE PSYCHO!  
Matt:Yeah Jeff, good for you! ANYWAY, back to this weeks show.  
Jeff:LET ME TALK! I wanna line!  
Matt:Okay Jeff!  
Jeff:YAY! Erm...let me think!   
Matt: /Murmuring/ Jeff look at the God damn script!  
Jeff:What...OH YEAH!!! RIGHT! Wait, is this my line?  
Matt:YES!  
Jeff:GREAT! Now, Erm, Oh, Right, Yes Well...WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT SAY? WHO WROTE THIS CRAP?  
Matt:It says WELCOME YOU IDIOT!!!  
Jeff:Does it, it looks more like weathering to me!  
Matt:WELL ITS NOT! ITS WELCOME YOU GOD DAMN FOOL!  
Jeff:/Looking scared/ Oh yeah, hey, who pissed in your pool?  
Matt:YOU DID! WHEN WE WERE EIGHT! Now, BACK TO THE GOD DAMN SHOW! SAY YOUR LINE!  
Jeff:What...OH! Welcome! We have a great line up this week. First of all this week is the sexy, sultry, scantily-clad Trish Stratus!!!  
/Audience goes wild, the doors swing open, Trish walks out in see-through miniskirt with a thong underneath, very low cut bright pink halterneck top, too much make up and hair in little pony tails, sucking a lollipop./  
  
Trish:Tonight Matt and Jeffykins I'm gonna be a......BARBIE! /Aqua's Barbie Girl song hits, pink lighting flashes everywhere and Trish skips down to the ring-stage starting to sing really slowly and sexily looking at Jeff./  
  
Jeff:WOWZA! LOOK AT THE RACK ON HER! SAUCY!  
Trish:/Winking at Jeff, blowing him a kiss./ I'm a Barbie Girl....In a Barbie world....my tits are plastic....my sexlifes fantassssstic....you can brush my hair....undress me everywhere...creation, fantasies about me your imagination!  
  
Jeff:COME ON BABRBIE...LETS GO PARTY!  
Trish:Uh, uh, uh, yeah!  
Jeff:I said COME ON BARBIE LETS GO PARTY!  
Trish:Oo oh, Oo oh!  
Jeff:GOD DAMN IT BARBIE LETS GO PARTY! CUT THE MUSIC! /Grabs Trish, much to her delight, and drags her behind the double doors./  
Matt:/Looking bewildered./ Ooookay! On with the next contestant...I guess.  
Jeff:/Jeff and Trish come out looking very messy and Jeff smeared with pink lipstick all over his face./ WELL! I think she should win.  
Matt:As I was saying....Jeff put that away! I DO NOT WANNA SEE THAT...AGAIN! OH GOD! MY EYES! MY POOR LITTLE EYES! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THEM? Hey...I can still see!  
Jeff:Hey...Trish liked it. Why don't you?  
Matt:Because...I...do...not...DO NOT...wanna...see your God damn penis man! What would dad say?  
Jeff:I dunno...MAYBE HE WILL LIKE IT! Cameraman, come here...you judge!  
Matt:NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO! STAY THERE DAMNIT! Jeff...FOR THE LAST TIME...PUT IT AWAY...NOW!!!  
Jeff:Oh...okay, I guess. What's next?  
Matt:READ YOUR GOD DAMN SCRIPT! OKAY? NOW! BACK TO THE SHOW! ANYWAY...making that blonde Barbie bimbo look like a side street hooker, and Chris Jericho has evidence which will be played in the locker room to prove that...AFTER THE SHOW /Winking at the cameraman who appears to be Jericho (we hope!)./, its my sexy, gorgeous and ravishing girlfriend...LITA!  
Jeff:Hey Matt...WHO STOLE ME SAUSAGE? I SAID...WHO STOLE ME SAUSAGE? WAS IT YOU JERICHO? IT WAS WASN'T IT? What......you want it for what? To put with the BALLS for your presentation later? WHAT THE HELL? What are you getting at here? WHY ARE YOU WINKING AT ME? MATT...WHY IS HE WINKING AT ME?  
Matt:Oh grow up! Yes, you too Jericho! Keep quiet about your presentation until later...you know after the show maybe? Anyway, back to Lita.  
Lita:/Audience goes wild, the doors swing open, Lita walks out wearing a white low-cut top with an American flag printed on the front, red hotpants with her tell-tale thong showing with red high heel shoes./ Hello Mattypoo and audience..../watching Jeff picking his nose and looking at the contents/ and Jeff /sigh/.  
Matt:/Turning to look at Jeff/ Oh for God sake Jeff, just eat it like usual and then lets get back to the show!  
Lita:Eww! That is gross! Anyway, BACK TO ME! I am going to sing...Girls Just Wanna Have Fun /Giving a girlie giggle./  
********************************  
Matt:/With a look of pride on his face./ Well done sweetie!  
Jeff:Geeze...get a hobby you love sick puppydog!  
Matt:Well at least my girlfriend aint a hooker /Looks at Jericho who nods and gives the thumbs up sign./ and made of plastic!  
Jeff:Well at least...HEY...your right! WOW!  
Matt:Jeff that isn't a good thing!  
Jeff:OH YOUR JUST JEALOUS!  
Matt:Sure Jeff! /Looking at Lita then turning back to look at Jeff./ Sure!  
Jeff:Our next llllllucky coooooooomdom...  
Matt:JEFF!  
Jeff:OOPS! That says contestant. Boy I feel silly! Ha ha ha!  
Matt:You are silly...and stupid too!  
Jeff:AWWW, thats so sweet! You too bro!  
Matt:Thanks, you've made my day! /Matt rolls his eyes./ Now before Jeff comes out with anymore nonsense lets welcome our next CONTESTANT /Looking meaningfully at Jeff./ ...ChYna!  
ChYna: /Audience goes wild, the doors swing open, ChYna stands there in shirt, tie, skirt and fishnet stockings./ Tonight...boys /Winking at Matt./ I'm going to sing Man! I Feel Like A Woman!  
Jeff:WHOAH! WHATS THAT MAN DOING? Shouldn't he be singing Woman! I Feel Like Man?  
Matt:Thats ChYna you dork!  
Jeff:Yeah...I never understood that! Explain it to me one more time bro.  
Matt:/Looking into the camera./ I'm so alone!  
Jeff:No your not. Me and Chamambwa are here!  
Matt:ITS CHYNA!  
ChYna: Lets go girls!  
********************************  
Matt:PUT THE MOP DOWN! I TOLD YOU...IT ISN'T UP TO ME!  
Jeff:Yeah it is Bro, you told me yesterday you'd be running this joint if it wasn't for Vince!  
Matt:SHUT UP JEFF! Terri, I told you...you can't sing! OKAY? I mean, think of the poor audience!  
/ Perry looks dangerously close to sticking the mop up a part of Matt where the sun dont shine!/   
Matt:Okay big guy, PUT THE MOP DOWN! Err...I guess she can sing!! But make it quick, WE HAVE SLIGHTLY TALENTED PEOPLE STILL TO SEE!  
Terri & Perry: YAY!  
Terri:Tonight Matt and Jeff...  
Matt:JUST GET ON WITH IT!  
Terri:Fine! I will sing Horny seeing as I am the WWF She Devil!  
Jeff:/Whispering to Matt./ You got that one right!  
Matt:/Nodding his head./ DEFINITELY!  
/Terri shoots them both an evil look and starts singing. Matt and Jeff both whip out some ear plugs and stick them in./  
*********************************  
Matt:That was wonderful! /Sarcasm evident in his voice/  
Jeff:Matt what are you talking about? Were we not listening to the same song...THAT WAS CRAP!  
Matt:OH GOD! I'm working with monkeys!  
Perry & Jeff: Where?  
Matt:/Matt rolls his eyes, putting his hand to his head./ Who's next and please...don't make it any worse than this!  
Jeff:Matt, you just said that was wonderful! GOD...make up your mind!  
Matt:JUST...introduce the next act okay?  
Jeff:Ooh, I must have pissed in his pool again!  
Matt:/Sighing./ God, please, can you save me from...from...this thing that I have been stuck with for 23 years!  
Jeff:Hey...if your referring to dad that isn't very nice.  
Matt:STOP TALKING! PLEASE JUST...STOP...TALKING...JUST STOP, OKAY?  
Jeff:/Worried./ Um...okay!  
Matt:THANK YOU! Now...I think it must be...OH LORD NO! WHY HER NOW?  
Jeff:What's wrong with Daddy's Little...wait...Daddy's Ex Little Princess.  
Matt:SHE HAS A NAME...unfortunately! Lets give a big warm welcome to...pain and suffering ...NO.../Smiling cheesy through gritted teeth./ I mean lets welcome Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley!  
Jericho: /Coughing behind his hand every time he talks./ BITCH! SLUT! DOG! WHOARE! ASS-CLOWN!  
Matt:Indeed!  
Jeff:HEY! I didn't know you were a fan of Funaki!  
Matt:How long did the silence last this time Jeff?  
Jeff:ERM...I DUNNO!  
Stephanie: HOW DARE YOU BE SO RUDE? MY NAME IS STONE...WAIT...MY NAME IS SRTEPHANIE MC...  
Jericho: SLUT!  
Stephanie: WHAT? Stephanie McSlut who?   
Jericho: Yes...I would like a Stephanie McSlut with lots of sauce on top!  
Stephanie: What about slutters? Would someone please tell me what is going on?  
Matt:JUST SAY YOUR GOD DAMN NAME BITCH!  
Stephanie: Who's a bitch? Me? I'm a bitch...NO I AM NOT! Just because thats what I am singing does not...  
Matt:GREAT! Stephanie McSlut is singing BITCH! HIT THE MUSIC...NOW!!!  
Jeff:God...give the girl a chance to speak!  
Matt:Jeff...stop talking...STOP TALKING RIGHT THS INSTANT!  
Jeff: Hey...are we playing a game? HEY...is this like last time when you told me to stop breathing too?  
Matt:YES JEFF!  
Jeff:COOL!  
Stephanie: HEY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! DON'T MAKE ME CALL DADDY!  
Matt:What? You just betrayed your dad, said you wanted him dead and bought ECW you stupid...  
Jericho: WHOARE!  
Stephanie: Who said that?  
Jericho: ME BITCH! Hey...I have a poem! Everyone...listen! Hickery dickery dock, the bitch called Stephanie was sucking me cock, the clock struck two, I squirted me goo, and wiped it all over her Gucci frock! HA HA! Wait, I don't want to be associated with shagging that dog!  
Jeff:Where's a dog?  
Matt:Jeff...think about it! What was Jericho's poem about?  
Jeff:OH...HA HA HA! SO ITS ABOUT JERICHO...I don't get it still!  
Matt:Is he really my brother? GOD I HOPE NOT!  
Stephanie: I'm going to sing now, all listen! /Audience starts talking while Matt, Jeff and the camera crew all argue and talk themselves./  
Stephanie: I'm a bitch, I'm a...  
Matt:Oh god, let the torment begin...  
*********************************  
Stephanie: THANK YOU! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! YOU WILL BE ABLE TO BUY IT ON THE WWF VOLUME 6 ALBUM WHICH IS COMING VERY SHORTLY AND YOU...  
Matt:NO STEPH! STEPH! STOP! You are going to ruin our sales!  
Jeff:I actually enjoyed this performance and I have already pre-ordered my copy /Winking at Stephanie./   
Stephanie: Eww!  
Jericho: /Leaning over to Matt./ I bet she's had him too!  
Matt:GOD DAMN IT! THATS MY BROTHER! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  
Jeff:What, just because I'm sexy! Girls Dig Us man!  
Matt:Yep Jeff, keep telling yourself that!  
Jeff:I will, like always!  
Matt:Well at least he enjoys his life.  
  



	2. WWE Stars In Their Eyes - Male Devision

        WWE Stars In Their Eyes   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own any of these characters (Vince and WWE do) we also don't own stars in their eyes ( ITV does we think), we also don't own any of the songs or normal lyrics but the ones we have changed are our own creation. Anyway, please don't take this seriously, we weren't being serious when we wrote it and it's better if you don't think about what you're reading, it's only mindless entertainment…just like the real thing. Sorry if we offend anyone, please R&R…no flaming please, we know how bad it is!

  
*

  
Contestants: ChYna = Man! I Feel Like A Woman!, Trish = Barbie Girl, Kurt Angle = Simply The Best, Grand Master Sexay & Scotty 2 Hotty = Sex Bombs, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley = Bitch, Stone Cold Steve Austin = Kumbya, Lita = Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Terri Saturn = Horny, William Regal = God Save Our Queen, Kane = Goodness Gracious, Great Balls Of Fire, Y2J = Who Let The Dogs Out  
Hosts: Matt & Jeff Hardy  
Special Guest Appearance: Vince McMahon = Encore Of Stand Back  
  
/Music hits, flashing lights come, the doors swing open only to revel Jeff eating a sausage and a control panel in his other hand./  
  
Jeff: LOOK! I FOUND MY SAUSAGE! JERICHO...DO YOU STILL WANT ME SAUSAGE? What do you mean you found a real one...a real what? HEY! 

That isn't a sausage...I HAVE ONE OF THEM TOO! LOOK...HEE HEE!  
  


Matt: /From backstage./ PUT IT AWAY.........NOW!!!!!!!!!  
  


Jeff: /Dropping his sausage./ Hey, Matt...why aren't you out here?  
  


Matt: /From backstage./ PUT IT AWAY!  
  


Jeff: Okay. /Tucking it away./ NOW...are you coming out here or not?  
  


Matt: /From backstage./ That all depends...are you going to pop it out again?  
  


Jeff: Erm...yes?  
  


Matt: /From backstage./ Well I am not coming out then!  
  


Jeff: NO, NO, NO...I MEANT NO!  
  


Matt: Okay then, keep your pants on...PLEASE!  
  


Jeff: Okay! I guess...hey, what does this control panel do?  
  


Matt: /From backstage./ Press the button to open the door, thats if you want me to come out?  
  


Jeff: What about this one? HEY...ITS A NICE COLOUR!  
  


Matt: /From backstage./ JEFF...DON'T YOU...  
  


/Jeff presses the big red button and red lights and warning sirens come on./  
  


Jeff: HEY! DISCO MUSIC! COME ON GUYS...LETS BOOGIE! Hey, where is everyone going? Wait! Is it me or is it raining inside?  
  


Matt: JEFF YOU PUT THE SPRINKLER SYSTEM ON! TWATTER!  
  


Jeff: OOPS, okay, come on out...I will push...HEY! WHAT DOES THIS ONE DO?  
  


Matt: Is it the other red one?  
  


Jeff: Yeah, why?  
  


Matt: Then DON'T PUSH IT!!!  
  


Jeff: What was that...push it? OKAY...IF YOU INSIST!  
  


Matt: NO!  
  


Jeff: /Suddenly all the power goes out and only the water sprinklers carry on working./ Ooops! HEY...THIS IS YOUR FAULT!  
  


Matt: HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT ONE OUT? JUST LET ME OUT AND PUSH THE RED BUTTON AGAIN!  
  


Jeff: Okay...Matt...I pissed in your pool again haven't I?  
  


Matt: Not really.  
  


Jeff: OOH I HAVE! BELIEVE ME!  
  


Matt: What is going on out there?  
  


Jeff: Well the arena is flooded, KINDA! WAHOOOOOOOO! I LOVE WATER! LETS GO FOR A SWIM! HEY! Who is feeling my leg? Hi Trish...that wasn't there before? WHY IS THAT AREA STIFF? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! MEN DIG US TOO!  
  


Matt: WHAT?  
  


Jeff: KURT...STOP IT! That belongs to Trish! WAHOOOOOOOOO! That feels nice!  
  


Matt: JEFF! THATS A MAN!  
  


Jeff: Chamambya again?  
  


Matt: NO! YOU JUST SAID IT WAS KURT ANGLE!  
  


Jeff: OH YEAH...ITS KURT ANGLE! KURT ANGLE...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! GET OFF MY SAUSAGE...NO NOT THE ONE ON THE FLOOR! PUT IT AWAY OR MATT WON'T COME OUT!  
  


Matt: PUSH THE BUTTONS AND LET ME AT HIM!  
  


Jeff: I don't think you want to be at him at this precise moment. HEY! GET OFF! THATS MINE! NOW...HELP ME FIGURE OUT THIS GOD DAMN CONTROL PANEL AND LET MY BROTHER IN! NO WE CANNOT CARRY ON LATER! BUGGER OFF! I heard something about Dean Malenko liking men feel his...SAUSAGE!  
  


Matt: /Suddenly the door swings open and Matt falls through, only to see the arena is soaking wet, along with the stage and audience. Jeff suddenly pops up and zips up his trousers!/ WHAT HAPPENED?  
  


Jeff: Oh hiya...where did Kurt go? I know he isn't a woman but...it was kinda nice!  
  


Matt: OH MY GOD! I AM NEVER SHARING A BEDROOM WITH YOU AGAIN!  
  


Jeff: But Matt...  
  


Matt: DON'T TOUCH ME! GOD...WE HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN KURT ANGLE PERFORM YET!  
  


Jeff: Well...I have! Hee hee!  
  


Matt: JEFF...SHUT UP! I MEAN...WHAT WOULD DAD AND TRISH SAY?  
  


Jeff: I dunno about dad...but Trish might wanna join in!  
  


Matt: STOP TALKING! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT KURT ANGLE HERE SO PLEASE...SHUT UP!!! NOW...UNFORTUNATELY OUR SIXTH CONTESTANT IS KURT ANGLE!  
  


Jeff: YAY!  
  


Matt: OH GOD! /Stepping away from Jeff./ Lets hear the music.  
  


Angle: /Doors swing open, crowd goes silent as Kurt Angle walks out in tight REVELAING lycra spandex white, red and blue leotard and a kiddie cowboy hat./ Hello my fans! Aren't I looking sexy tonight?  
  


Jeff: Its true. Its DAMN true!  
  


Matt: WHAT? FANS...SEXY...neither apply to him! EWW JEFF! ARE YOU GOING MAD? I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE...well kinda normal...BUT NOW...YOU ARE ACTING.........A PSYCHOTIC GAY FREAK! FIRST OF ALL...ITS A MAN! SECONDLY...ITS KURT ANGLE!  
  


Jeff: I know! Great hey? PURR!  
  


Matt: Jeff...I thought you were with Trish!  
  


Jeff: That is Trish isn't it?   
  


Matt: WHAT? YOU JUST SAID KURT LOOKS SEXY!  
  


Jeff: Did I...COOL! When though?  
  


Matt: Just a freaking minute ago! With all the purr...sexy...its true its true business!  
  


Jeff: Matt...are you gay?  
  


Matt: ME?  
  


Jeff: I didn't know you felt this way about Kurt!  
  


Matt: I DON'T FOR....NEVER MIND!  
  


Jeff: No, I don't think you should be telling me this now? I mean, all the years you've had to tell me! I mean we have shared bedrooms and changed in our locker room together...and all this time! Err! How does Lita feel about this?  
  


Matt: WHAT? LITA IS FINE AND...  
  


Jeff: Lita is fine about sleeping with a gay man!  
  


Matt: NO...I AM NOT A GAY MAN!  
  


Jeff: So you are a gay woman! GOD! I always thought you had a sausage! Oh well! WAIT! YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE SEVEN! Remember, I PULLED IT AND YOU SCREAMED AND HIT ME!  
  


Matt: Jeff! What is wrong with you? You remember moments like that?  
  


Jeff: YES! Of course...HEY! Let me check now! Come here Matty's little sausage!  
  


Matt: HEY! FUCK OFF! ANYWAY, IT AINT LITTLE!  
  


Jeff: Shall I ask Lita Matty?  
  


Matt: FINE! DOESN'T BOTHER ME! HEY...WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT MY SAUSAGE?  
  


Jeff: Because you are a gay woman!  
  


Matt: I am not gay and I am not a woman! GET THAT INTO YOUR SMALL BRAIN!  
  


Jeff: Oh...I thought you were a man! I saw your sausage the other day in the shower...  
  


Matt: WHAT? STOP IT! WHY WERE YOU WATCHING ME IN THE SHOWER?  
  


Jeff: I thought you were Trish...DUH!  
  


Matt: BUT I DON'T...WAIT!!! We missed all of Kurt Angles performance!  
  


Jeff: OH NO! Sugar lumps and cream!  
  


Matt: What? Oh well...never mind. Anyway, you guys just missed an...EXCITING performance by Kurt Angle.  
  


Jeff: But Matt...we missed it!  
  


Matt: SHUT UP! IT DOESN'T MATTER! Now, lets...  
  


Jeff: But Matt, I thought we were talking about your sausage!  
  


Matt: NO...NOT ANYMORE! NOW...WE ARE BOTH STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE NORMAL ...well I am anyway!  
  


Jeff: Oh...okay!  
  


Matt: Finally...some silence!  
  


Jeff: /Jeff suddenly whips out a harmonica./ HEY! LOOK WHAT I FOUND!  
  


Matt: Oh God no!  
  


Jeff: HERE WE GO!  
  


S.C: /Suddenly Stone Colds Music comes on and the doors swing open, crowd goes wild and Stone Cold walks out holding a guitar wearing his usual clothes./ Enough of that jackass's crap!  
  


Jeff: Hey, I am a hero!  
  


S.C: Not you, WELL, you and Kurt but...  
  


J&K: WE ARE HEROES!  
  


S.C: No your jackasses!  
  


Jeff: HEROES!  
  


S.C: JACKASSES!  
  


Jeff: HEROES!  
  


S.C: JACKASSES!  
  


Jeff: HEROES!  
  


S.C: JACKASSES!  
  


Jeff: HEROES!  
  


S.C: Heroes!  
  


Jeff: JACKASSES!  
  


S.C: EXACTLY! Now, I heard you too arguing about sausages and more crap so I thought a nice pleasant song will cheer everyone up. And seeing as I am the next contestant...LETS GO!  
  


Matt: Thank God, someone actually wants to do the show...THERE IS A GOD!!!  
  


Jeff: Hey...WAIT! Did I call myself a jackass? BOY...I can be so stupid sometimes!  
  


Matt: Yes Jeff...only sometimes!  
  


S.C: Kumbya my lord...Kumbya!  
*******************************  
  
  


Jeff: /Crying./ That was so beautiful!  
  


Matt: /Looking rather scared./ Yes Jeff...it was great!  
  


Jeff: I mean...the tune! It was so beautiful! Can we have it again, PLEASE?!  
  


Matt: GET LOST! He isn't singing that , long, boring song again!  
  


Jeff: THE SONG OF GRACE!  
  


Matt: What's made you go all religious?  
  


Jeff: The song of the lord, the song of grace, the song of......what song am I talking about again?  
  


Matt: SHUT YOUR WHINING MOUTH! GOD...WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE BOY! Anyway, talking God...we now have everyone's favourite.../Crowd cheers./ William Regal! /The crowd boo and moan./ What? I have to say that!  
  


Jeff: Yeah...EVERYONE believes that Matt. Ha ha!  
  


Matt: Jeff............shut up!  
  


Regal: / Suddenly the doors swing open, the crowd boo louder, William Regal walks out wearing a blue suit with a red shirt, white tie and a red, white and blue union jack cape./ Hello everyone, seeing as you uncultured American folks are all so glad to see me, I will start my performance now, instead of reading my speech. Please play the music for God Save Our Gracious Queen.  
  


Jeff: What in Gods nation is that?  
  


Matt: I think your right Jeff. It is the Gods Nation, the British National anthem!  
  


Jeff: Wow Matt, you are so clever!  
  


Matt: Well I was the longest reigning American European champion!  
  


Jeff: WOW! WHAT A GUY!  
  


Matt: Jeff stop looking at me like that!  
  


Jeff: Okay...are you from Europe? Europe men are so SEXY!  
  


Matt: IN THAT CASE NO I AM NOT!  
  


Jeff: Didn't think so!  
  


Matt: Hey tosser! I am sexier than you!  
  


Jeff: Well...that aint very hard is it?  
  


Matt: No Jeff, it isn't!  
  


Regal: GOD SAVE OUR GRACIOUS...  
  


Jeff: OH SHUT UP!  
  


Matt: WOW! I think you are becoming more mature by the minute!  
  


Jeff: Who, me? Never! /Making an Indian call./ BWA BWA BWA BWA!  
  


Matt: Right! Forget I ever said that!  
  


Jeff: Okay! I forgot it anyway! Was it about your sausage?  
  


Matt: NO! SHUT UP! GOD! NOW, REGAL GET OFF THE STAGE! I AM SORRY BUT THAT IS AWFUL! Don't take any offence by this but...BUGGER OFF, you great English Pillock! Get a better Goodwill Ambassador to sing it!  
  


Jeff: HOW ABOUT ME?  
  


Matt: You aren't English, TWAT!  
  


Jeff: Hey, I aint a twat! I may be a prat but not a twat Matt! Hey, Matt, twat, prat, sat, hat, cat...THEY ALL RHYME!  
  


Matt: STOP IT! STOP RHYMING! JUST KEEP...QUIET FOR ONCE!  
  


Jeff: Now that I can do. Why didn't you ask before?  
  


Matt: SHUT UP!!!  
  


Jeff: No need to be so snappy!  
  


Matt: Yes Jeff, I have EVERY REASON TO BE SNAPPY! I HAVE BEEN STUCK WITH YOUR INSANE,GAY,SCARY PRATTLEING FOR THE BETTER PART OF AN HOUR! I THINK I HAVE EVERY GODDAMN RIGHT TO BE SNAPPY SO SHUT THE HELL UP!!  
  


Jeff: SORRY! I'LL JUST INTRODUCE THE NEXT ACT THEN! ERM... oh yeah... Scotty 2 Hotty and the recently fired Grand Master Sexay YAY!  
  


Matt: Thank you...thank you very much!  
  


Jeff: Your welcome!  
  


Matt: Anyway, lets bring on TOO COOL!  
  


GMS: /Doors swing open, crowd goes wild and Scotty 2 Hotty and Grand Master Sexay come out, dancing down towards the stage. Wearing their usual ring attire./ We are gonna turn it up and sing the funkiest and most fitting song for us..  
  


S2H: Sex bomb!!!  
  


Jeff: Oooh! Sex bomb! Sounds like LOTSSSSSS of fun! I am sure it will go of with a big BANG, HEE HEE!  
  


Matt: /Being sarcastic./ Yeah, /Looking scared and confused./ I am sure it will!  
  


S2H: /Sex bomb music suddenly comes on and both members of Too Cool start dancing, along with Jeff who is trying to do his own little dance at the side. Sex bomb, sex bomb.  
  


GMS: Your my sex bomb...  
***************************  
  


Jeff: WOHOO! THAT WAS GREAT! Guess what Matt?  
  


Matt: What?  
  


Jeff: I AM A SEX BOMB! Sex bomb, sex bomb...I'M a sex bomb!  
  


Matt: Yeah Jeff.../Having fits of laughter./ your a sex bomb!  
  


Jeff: AND YOU CAN GIVE IT...wait! Matt did you just say I was a sex bomb? Matt...  
  


Matt: WHAT NOW?  
  


Jeff: Are you gay?  
  


Matt: NO!  
  


Jeff: Are you a woman?  
  


Matt: NO!!  
  


Jeff: Are you straight?  
  


Matt: NO!!! WAIT...I...  
  


Jeff: WELL WHAT ARE YOU THEN?  
  


Matt: I am a...  
  


Jeff: AN ALIEN! Oooh, my own brother...an alien! What do alien woman look like?  
  


Matt: HUH JEFF? IF I was, IF I WAS, an alien then mum or dad would of had to be an alien too! And that would make you an alien!  
  


Jeff: I AM AN ALIEN!? COOOOOOL!  
  


Matt: NO...YOU ARE...never mind! Lets just.../Stares at Jeff trying to make antenna's out of his multicoloured hair./ WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  
  


Jeff: Well what do you think? If I am an alien I don't want to hide it! I am making antenna's for myself...DUH!  
  


Matt: OH GOD! What is wrong with the boy?  
  


Jeff: Matt...who are you talking about?  
  


Matt: YOU!  
  


Jeff: But you said what was wrong with the boy!  
  


Matt: I KNOW!  
  


Jeff: Exactly! I am not a boy, I am an alien!!!  
  


Matt: OH SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I KICK YOUR SORRY LITTLE ASS!  
  


Jeff: /Covering up his face with hands, scared, trying to pretend he can't hear Matt's screaming./ Matt...  
  


Matt: WHAT?  
  


Jeff: Is it the...pool again?  
  


Matt: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! What is wrong with you? JUST SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES, JUST FIVE...BLOODY...MINUTES! OKAY?  
  


Jeff: K! /Wiping his finger across his mouth, pretending to zip up his mouth./                                                                            
  


Matt: THANK YOU! Now, next to BRIGHTEN up your day its KANE with Goodness Gracious Great Balls Of Fire!  
  


Kane: /Doors swing open, crowd goes wild and fire surrounds the ring. Kane walks down in his usual clothes as the fire dies down./ GOODNESS GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!  
*********************  
  


Matt: /Hanging Jeff up by the scruff of his neck./ JUST SHUT UP! PLEASE JUST SHUT UP JEFF! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU GAY?  
  


Jeff: No, I told you! I am an alien, SILLY!  
  


Matt: No I am not silly...and I told you, by mistake, that you are an alien! YOU AREN'T REALLY THOUGH! IDIOT!  
  


Jeff: BUT I AM! Don't try and take it back now Mr! You said your never wrong, so are you a liar?  
  


Matt: NO! I AM NOT A LIAR! You just ACT like an alien and I cocked up what I really wanted to say.  
  


Jeff: HA HA HA, YOU SAID COCKED! Anyway, what did you really want to say?  
  


Matt: I WANTED TO SAY.........I dunno what I wanted to say. I've listened to your insane rambling for so long I have forgot what I wanted to say.  
  


Jeff: Oops! Hey, what rambling? I don't ramble! I talk...like a human being. Even though I am an alien!  
  


Matt: NO JEFFERY! YOU AREN'T AN ALIEN! YOU DO RAMBLE AND, I THINK YOU ARE, A HUMAN BEING!  
  


Jeff: REALLY?  
  


Matt: YES REALLY! And I am starting to think you are gay too! This Kurt Angle thing has gone WAY too far.  
  


Jeff: But...but...it felt nice! Maybe...if you let Kurt try it on you then...  
  


Matt: NO! I AM NOT LETTING THAT SICK LITTLE BASTARD KURT...YOU KNOW...FEEL ME! I have Lita to do that!  
  


Jeff: And I have Kurt...and Trish!  
  


Matt: Well, by the sounds of it, you want Kane too!  
  


Jeff: Why would I want Kane? He is big and scary! I bet down below isn't much different!  
  


Matt: BUT YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO PLAY WITH HIS BELOW FIRE BALLS!  
  


Jeff: WHEN?  
  


Matt: JUST NOW!  
  


Jeff: Me? I don't remember saying that!  
  


Matt: Two minutes ago, when I first started trying to kill you!  
  


Jeff: Matt, you've been trying to kill me since I was a wee baby!  
  


Matt: Yes...but look...your still here!  
  


Jeff: ALIVE AND KICKING!  
  


Matt: And still talking...UNFORTUNATELY!  
  


Jeff: I KNOW! LUCKY ME, HEY?  
  


Matt: YES...lucky old me! ANYWAY...we have been on this creepy subject for FAR too long. Now lets just...  
  


Jeff: HEY MATT?  
  


Matt: NO! NO MATTS! NO HEYS! JUST...JUST CHRIS JERICHO WITH WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!  
  


Jeff: But Matt...who is going to do the camera work?  
  


Matt: Certainly not you!  
  


Jeff: Oh.../Starting to cry./ Pretty please!  
  


Matt: Promise you'll shut up and focus on Chris Jericho...WAIT! Make that Chris Jericho's head! FORE HEAD! Okay?  
  


Jeff: I'll shut up but...why forehead?  
  


Matt: Well...NO OTHER HEADS OKAY?  
  


Jeff: But Matt...we only have one head! HEY! IS JERICHO AN ALIEN?  
  


Matt: Right, now I am not gonna letting you film!  
  


Jeff: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH! But PLEASE...I WILL BE SO GOOD!  
  


Matt: Okay then. Just because you'll shut up!  
  


Jeff: WAHOOOOOOOOOO! Consider it done!  
  


Jericho: /Doors swing open, crowd go wild and Jericho comes in wheeling something with a big curtain over it./ Tonight ladies, gentleman and SLUTS like Stephanie! /A high pitched scream comes from backstage./ Yep, thats the one I am talking about! /Matt and Jeff walk off stage, starting to film while Jericho pushes the thing on wheels to the centre of the stage./ Well...seeing as this is a special moment in time and a special show I think I am going to.../Suddenly a phone rings from under the thing with a cloth over it./...wait a second folks! /Reaching under answering a phone./ WHAT? Someone let the dog out...WHO LET STEPHANIE OUT? /Baha men's who let the dogs out music comes on and Jericho pulls of the cloth covering the thing which turns out to be a statue of Stephanie on all fours, panting with a sausage like thing in her mouth./  
  


Jeff: HEY! THATS WHERE MY SAUSAGE WENT!  
  


Matt: No Jeff...you found your sausage when Kurt felt you, REMEMBER?  
  


Jeff: What...OH YEAH! That was fun!  
  


Matt: Just film!  
  


Jericho: /Singing to the statue./ Who let the dog out...Vince, Vince and Linda... Who let the dog out...Vince, Vince and Linda... Who let the dog out...Vince, Vince and Linda...Who let the dog out...Vince, Vince and Linda. Get back Stephanie, get back slutty, get back you pube lice infested bitch! When the party was going Steph got a pumping...Hey, a yippee ai oh....and all the fellas were having a ball...Hey, a yippee ai oh...Until the fellas realised who they were humping...Hey, a yippee ai oh...and they were sick everyone of them all, I head Hunter shout out... Who let the dog out...Vince, Vince and Linda... Who let the dog out...Vince, Vince and Linda... Who let the dog out...Vince, Vince and Linda... Who let the dog out...Vince, Vince and Linda...  
*********************.  
  


Matt & Jeff: WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THAT WAS GREAT! WE LOVED THAT!  
  


Matt: That one should definitely win!  
  


Jeff: What about Trish...and Kurt...he looked soooooo nice in that tight...  
  


Matt: Jeff shut up please! I don't want to be sick on national Tv! Okay?  
  


Jeff: Hmph...okay!  
  


Matt: THANK YOU! Now, after the break we will be announcing the winner. See you soon and don't go anywhere! /Matt, Jericho and the rest of the crew walk off stage leaving Jeff behind./  
  


Jeff: HEY...MATT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? /The lights suddenly go off./ AAAAHHH! I AM ALL ALONE...IN THE DARK! AAAAAAAAHHHHH! I AM SCARED OF THE DARK! Hey, a sausage! Where did that come from? Hey...yum! It tastes nice. Wait...I didn't know there was any icing on it...YUCK! Tastes like salt! Hey...wait a minute! AAAAAAAAHHHHH! THERE IS A BODY ATTATCHED TO THE SAUSAGE! Wait...Kurt...is that you? No...I told you we couldn't carry on later! Matt said he wouldn't come out again if this happens again. What do you mean it would be better if he didn't come out? No...I need to do the show with him! I don't want to be alone with you! HEY! GET YOUR HANDS OFF! No Matt said he doesn't want to be alone with you either! NO! /Slap noise./ Go find someone else! Well...I suppose you looked kinda nice in that tight costume earlier! WHAT? THERES MORE? I WANT TO SEE THE OTHER COSTUMES! THEY'RE IN YOUR LOCKER ROOM! Lets go now then! The show will start soon! GREAT! Bye folks...see you after the break...COME ON KURT! LETS GO!

  
*  
  
Right, that was sooooooooooooooo gross! We didn't realise how totally gross that was until now, we wrote it about…a year and a half ago when we were young and scary…and sick obviously, but we're beautiful mature adults now so you have nothing to worry about! Anyway…

When you review the chapter could you **PLEASE leave who you think should win out of all the contestants (Both male and female). Anyway, thanks for reading and we're sorry for the scaryness, the next chapter should be more pleasant.**

Thanks again, no flames please!


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